What To Expect From Online Couples Therapy In California

Common Perceptions of Online Couples Therapy

When you think of online couples therapy or marriage counseling, you may have an image in your mind of a couple arguing at the top of their lungs, red in the face, and ready to walk out and leave the room at any moment. The yelling stops and both partners turn away in opposite directions feeling defeated, unheard, and disconnected. The therapist, on the other side of the screen, remains silent, somewhat unsure of where to go next.

Or, you may think of your close friend who tried online marriage counseling a year ago with his wife and then ended up getting a divorce just a few months later.

Both of these scenarios aren’t necessarily unrealistic, but they are common images that people have of couples therapy that can lead couples to feel reluctant to try it out, even when it might be incredibly valuable for their relationship.

Starting With an Assessment

It’s now quite common amongst couples therapists to start with an assessment phase of therapy. This may be just one initial intake session to gather relevant information from the couple, or it may be a 4-step process.

Couples therapists who use Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in their work, for instance, will often see the couple for a 90-minute joint session to gather information about the relationship; two 50-minute individual sessions to gather information about each partner’s background history; and another 90-minute joint treatment planning/goal-setting session prior to starting couples therapy.

The assessment process may also include online questionnaires to gather more detailed information about the couple’s relationship and each partner’s mental wellbeing.

In my experience offering couples therapy, I have come to find this assessment process to be a non-essential piece to offering effective couples therapy. In fact, I have seen it harm the process at times, particularly for relationships in real crisis that need more immediate crisis interventions. I have since shifted my assessment process to be ongoing, thus allowing for immediate feedback and help to couples.

What Online Couples Therapy Actually Looks Like

This will greatly depend on the therapist’s approach to therapy. Oftentimes, the couple will be coached by the therapist to have their conversations in a different and more effective way. Whether the couple is working on building their friendship, learning to manage conflict, processing past hurts, or expressing their deepest needs and desires, the therapist uses interventions that guide the couple to have constructive conversations and deepen connection.

When the process works well and both partners are willing to engage in change, each partner gains a greater understanding of their own role in conflict and disconnection and develops deeper empathy and positive feelings for their partner.

Get Started With Online Couples Therapy in California Today

I hope this gives you a bit more insight into what to expect from Online Couples Therapy. If you’re interested in trying it out with your partner, you can schedule a free 15-minute video consultation with me here to see if I’m the right fit for you both. I’d be happy to see if I can help or, at the very least, direct you to the person who can.

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