Common Questions About Couples Therapy

You recently received a suggestion from a friend or family member to try couples therapy, but you’re still not entirely sure what it entails, how it will be helpful, or if it will just make things worse. It all feels a bit overwhelming to think about. To help give you a bit more clarity, I’ve answered some frequently asked questions about couples therapy.

FAQs about Couples Therapy

1. What are reasons to go to couples therapy?

   There seems to be a prevailing myth that couples therapy is only meant for couples on the brink of a breakup or divorce, but there are a wide variety of reasons couples seek out couples therapy. Some of these reasons include wanting to:

   • Learn more effective communication skills

   • Work through trust and commitment issues

   • Heal from the aftermath of an affair(s)/betrayal

   • Navigate addiction recovery

   • Find support around infertility

   • Feel connected to one another again

   • Successfully get through the peripartum period of parenthood

   • Learn how to support one another through grief and loss

   • Gain insight into the impact of past experiences on the relationship

   • Work through perpetual problems in the marriage (e.g. different parenting styles, in-law issues, problems around managing finances, differing desires for sex, mismatched levels of ambition, deciding how to spend time, etc.)

2. Does couples therapy work?

   A successful outcome of couples therapy greatly depends on two things: a) your goals for couples therapy and b) your willingness to work towards those goals. For some, a successful outcome of couples therapy entails staying together and building a stronger relationship. For others, a successful outcome includes gaining clarity and confidence about a direction for the marriage or relationship. In either case, success depends on each partner’s willingness to show up and reflect on each of their contributions to the problems of the marriage or relationship.

3. What are the benefits of couples therapy?

   This depends on your specific goals for couples therapy. Some examples include:

   • Increased understanding of and empathy for one another

   • More effective communication skills

   • Deeper sense of connection to one another

   • Greater confidence in managing conflict

   • More intentional habits and rituals that sustain the relationship

   • Increased sense of trust, connection, and intimacy

   • Improved sex life

   • Shared meaning (around issues such as parenting) and pursuit of life goals and dreams

4. How do you know when to go to couples therapy?

   No couple is perfect and most couples could benefit from couples therapy at least once in the lifetime of their relationship or marriage. I’d highly recommend premarital or pre-commitment counseling to couples prior to making a major commitment like marriage or deciding to have a baby. This can be a great opportunity to learn about the strengths of your relationship as well as some areas for growth and gain some relationship skills to build a solid foundation for the rest of your lives together. If you can find someone that uses a Gottman-based approach or Prepare and Enrich approach, you may feel like you get more out of the experience compared to a more psychodynamic approach where you will be expected to lead the session (rather than the therapist). For married couples/co-parents, if you’ve been trying to resolve or manage an issue on your own but instead find yourselves experiencing increased disconnection and negativity in the relationship, it’s a good time to seek out support. The more negativity in your marriage, the more likely you will find yourselves on the brink of divorce in the future. If you’re on the brink of divorce, I actually recommend Discernment Counseling prior to couples therapy.

5. How long will it take?

   The amount of time needed for couples therapy depends on the couples therapist’s approach and the couple’s presenting concerns/goals for therapy. It could take anywhere from a couple months to several years. In my practice, my goal isn’t for couples to need therapy forever. I typically meet with couples for weekly 90-minute sessions to start, then gradually space out sessions until the goals for therapy have been met.

6. Should I do individual therapy or couples therapy first?

   Research has actually shown that those who go to individual therapy for relationship/marital problems are more likely to breakup/get a divorce in the long run. If your marriage is strained, it’s a good idea to seek out support together if possible OR (at the very least) seek out an individual therapist who also specializes in couples therapy. If you have additional concerns aside from the relationship, individual therapy may be appropriate in some cases.

I hope this gives you some clarity as to whether couples therapy might be beneficial for your relationship. If you still have questions, feel free to give me a call at (714) 462-3108 or send me a message for a FREE 15-minute consultation. I’m here to help you approach your relationship with greater clarity, confidence, and intention.

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