Courtney Shen DeShetler, PSYD
(she/her)
A Couples Therapist and Certified Discernment Counselor in Orange County, CA and Portland, OR here to help you break the patterns that are keeping you stuck + dig into tough (and transformative) conversations for your relationship.
So you’ve realized that your relationship needs some professional help.
That’s not Always an easy realization to come to.
Here’s a quick checklist to see if you’re in the right place:
You’re on the brink of divorce and feel ambivalent about where to go next with your marriage.
You or your partner recently revealed an affair and it’s led to a deep divide in your relationship.
You want to learn better communication skills as you transition to marriage, parenthood, or another big life change.
You’re specifically looking for a therapist trained in The Doherty Approach, The Gottman Method, and/or Discernment Counseling.
You’re seeking a Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator for premarital counseling.
You want a therapist who is culturally-responsive and welcoming to each of your identities, perspectives, and experiences.
You want a therapist who is married and both understands the challenges of marriage and also feels confident in navigating them.
You want a therapist who is a parent and understands the impact of parenthood on a marriage.
If you responded yes to any of the items above, I might be the right couples therapist for you.
Hello! I’m Courtney
I have a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Chapman University + a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.
I’m licensed as a Psychologist in California (PSY 31253) + Oregon (PSY 3568).
You can message me or call 714-462-3108 for a free 15-minute consultation.
Get started with Couples Therapy, today.
YOU’RE STILL FEELING WORRIED…
Whether you’re here because you’re wanting a change in your relationship or you’re here because your partner is threatening to leave, you likely (and understandably) have some fears + concerns about this whole thing.
Perhaps you’ve heard one too many horror stories from friends about couples counseling. Maybe your own parents tried it out but ultimately got divorced. Or, maybe you have some fear about what might unfold in the process (hidden unmet needs, unforgivable lies, painful memories, the end of your relationship…). Maybe you’re like many of the couples I’ve seen + you’ve tried it out before without much success.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE…
There are some big risks that come with couples therapy and such fears and concerns are valid.
In fact, such fears and concerns about the intense difficulty and lack of certainty in this process have led me to really consider my own reasoning for continuing such work. Here’s what I’ve come to… This work allows me to live out my own core values of courage + connection.
When talking about courage, I’m referring to the choice and practice of choosing to be brave despite the presence of fear, taking healthy risks to learn + grow, entering uncharted territories, standing up for what’s right, and pursuing the life you so deeply desire.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
— Rumi
When you choose to dig into pain + discomfort in your relationship so that you can reconnect, you’re choosing to do incredibly brave work.
As a couples therapist, my own attempt at courage often looks like me offering some “tough love” and confronting the parts of each of you that you know to be true but maybe haven’t quite realized or accepted yet. It also includes me walking patiently with you both into uncharted territories when you feel icy tension or heated conflict between the two of you.
When talking about connection, I’m referring to the innate need in all of us to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves, that our existence matters and has meaning.
I’ve found that I offer couples therapy not only to deepen a sense of connection between the couples I work with, but to create connection through each couples’ relationship success ripples. Ripples that extend to children, extended family, community, and future generations. I believe connection provides the foundation from which we can explore the world, heal ourselves, make change, and choose more courage.
There’s still hope…
The fact that you’re here despite fears and challenges indicates that you 1) have at least a bit of bravery to handle what lies ahead and 2) have a deep desire for more connection.
Still not sure if Couples Therapy would be helpful?
Discernment Counseling might be a better fit. Click here to learn more.