Marriage and the Newborn Phase

Tired mother holding a newborn baby in her arms.

I'm coming up on my fourth week of maternity leave and last night was rough. Baby girl decided that 3am to 5am would be a great time to party, and at 9am, I have quite the sleep-deprived hangover. I have a bit of a headache and a pre-disposition to being more irritable today with my husband and kids than the better version of myself would like to be.

This isn't my first (or even second) rodeo with the newborn phase, so thankfully I know it's just that - a phase.

If you're a couple in this phase (like many of the young parents I work with), the sleep-deprivation can feel all-consuming. The irritability (and even rage) that often occurs with sleep-deprivation may increasingly and insidiously create a divide in your partnership that can seem irreparable.

Flash back to several years ago, to the middle of the fourth night after my oldest son was born, and my milk still hadn't come in. He was absolutely hangry and inconsolable. Both my husband and I were up desperately trying to get him to go back to sleep, and I found myself yelling at my husband in a way I had never yelled at him before - my rage felt almost animalistic.

I'm writing this to hopefully serve as some encouragement to you that the newborn phase doesn't have to be a death sentence for your marriage or relationship.

It can be helpful to remind yourself that this phase is not easy for you or your partner and you're both doing the best you can with the little sleep you've gotten (or, if this is your first rodeo, with the little experience you both have).

And, if you still find yourselves falling deeper into the hole of marital discord from the newborn phase, couples therapy can be a great source of support. To get started, check out my Contact Page for a list of referrals and directories.